Life on the Edge of the Shelf
by SundayWinterChild
Summary: What is it like to live on a shelf? A series of oneshots through the eyes of a small, yet very much loved Transformers collection.
1. The King of the Shelf

**Authors Note:** I guess this could be considered a crackfic. I just wondered one day what it is like for my handful of Transformers to live on the shelf and what they see. So, here's my attempt to interpret that. Just so you know, here's who lives on the shelf:

MP Starscream Wal-Mart Exclusive, Movie redeco Thundercracker, G1 Re-issue Skywarp, G1 Re-issue Red Alert, and an RX-8 Alternator "Shockblast".

Hope you enjoy it! I'd love some reviews too! If it's received well I'll consider doing a series of these oneshots. Much love and many cookies will be given to reviewers!

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**King of the Shelf**

Starscream surveyed all that lay around him. This was his domain and no one else's. True, he wasn't the largest being in this world, but that was irrelevant because even with his diminutive size here, he was still far superior to all the others, especially the humans.

From what Starscream had observed in his short time here on the shelf there appeared to be five humans who inhabited his kingdom. There was a full grown male and his femme and three younglings. His subjects seemed to be happy overall with the occasional disagreement breaking out, especially between the younglings. Starscream didn't like the little ones. They were too noisy for his tastes and also, in his view, dangerous. He had observed them from his haven and watched as they destroyed many toys, many of those toys had been Transformers. Starscream also didn't care much for the male because of the obvious disdain he held for Starscream and the other occupants of the shelf. He had often overheard the fleshling deride those who lived on the shelf by saying that they looked awful and that Transformers were "shit". The stream of insults flung at he and his other shelf dwellers incensed Starscream no end and he longed to show the male just what a null ray could do, but, alas, he could not and merely had to suffer in silence. The femme, however, was different. She obviously knew how to treat a king with the respect he deserved. Often she would walk by the shelf and stop and say a kind word. Or when she was doing her weekly cleaning routine she would dust him off most gently. While she would eat her meals she would look up from where she sat and smile briefly at him. Yes, she knew her place. Starscream smirked. Well, he smirked all the time. It was the face that the femme had chosen; the one that she felt epitomized him best. He had to agree.

"What are you doing now Starscream?" Skywarp asked his wing mate.

"What does it look like? I'm presiding over my kingdom."

"Your kingdom?" Skywarp chuckled to himself. "Your kingdom consists of a shelf high off the ground with me, Red Alert, Thundercracker, and that Shockwave that isn't really Shockwave because he is a car and not a laser gun! Some kingdom."

"Shut up or I'll frag your aft! It may not be a large kingdom, but it is a kingdom all the same and it is my kingdom!"

Skywarp decided to take the Air Commander's advice and shut up. When he was in one of his moods it was best to not get him started or else he would carry on for ages. Skywarp's arms shifted slightly as he continued to gaze out into the mirror that hung opposite their shelf. This was the only way he could see Starscream, as he could not turn his head. Skywarp wasn't as grand or blessed with multiple articulations and ball and socket joints. No. He had heard the femme refer fondly to him as a "G1 re-issue" which was merely a fancy way of saying that he was a copy of his original toy. He cursed the fact that Starscream was so popular. He'd had several "upgrades" over the years while he and Thundercracker always lagged behind. So, here he sat on the shelf and all he could really do was wiggle his arms to show his irritation with Starscream. His legs didn't even move, for Primus sake! Skywarp sighed and considered "king" Starscream's reflection in the mirror with a baleful look.

"So what's going on today?"

"Not much. It's quiet today. The younglings must not be here."

"Thank Primus for that!"

"Indeed. They give me a terrible headache."

"Ha! Poor ol' Screamer! Can't handle the noise. At least that's the only thing you have to worry about!"

Skywarp had first hand experience of the younglings. All mechs- no, no, what was the human term? Oh yes, boys. They were rowdy, rough and constantly were running amuck through the house. The femme would yell and shout at them if they got too much, although she had her tender moments with them as well. If one got injured she would administer one of her magic kisses that seemed to cure the worst bump or scrape. Skywarp often would laugh to himself that Ratchet would kill to have the ability to do that, although he doubted that the other Autobots in his care would be too keen to have "The Hatchet" kiss them better. Anyhow, the femme had the audacity to allow the largest of the boys to play with some of them on the shelf. She always would give stern warnings though.

"Yes, you can play with Skywarp. But you must be careful and when you're finished you must put him back. DO NOT lose any wings, guns or bullets! I'll have your head if you do!"

"Yes, mummy."

Skywarp didn't mind the oldest boy. He actually had a very gentle touch and was very careful when he transformed him. Considering that Skywarp's hands, cannons, wings, tailfins and ailerons had to be removed to transform him, it was amazing that he was still in one piece, as it were. There were times when the oldest would want him to be in his altmode and would sometimes ask the femme for help. These were the times that Skywarp lived for. The little boy would hand him over to the femme and she would carefully put the wheels in place, occasionally adjusting a wing or making sure a tailfin was properly attached. Then she would carefully check over his stickers and ensure that there was no damage there and smooth them over, just for good measure. Although she couldn't feel it, Skywarp would shiver slightly at her touch. It was just nice to know that someone cared, even if it was only for a few moments.

"So, uh, Starscream, what is she doing?"

Starscream's smirk grew even more, "And why do you care, Skywarp?"

"Uh, oh, no reason!"

"Have some stickers that need touching up?"

"Frag you."

Starscream cackled at Skywarp's indignant tone and then answered him, "If you must know she's just sitting there."

"Just… sitting?"

"Yes, oh, wait… no, she's watching…" Starscream strained to get a better view of the television in the mirror and groaned.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Not again! She's watching the blasted cartoon again! Will she never tire of it?"

"Which episode?"

"Which do you think?"

Both intoned at the same time. "Microbots."

Starscream grumbled, "Why does she like that episode so much! I'm hardly in it!"

"Does it always have to be about you, Starscream?" Skywarp sulked like a spoiled child.

"Of course it does! I am the king here, you know." Starscream seemed to puff his chest out a bit, as if that were possible.

Skywarp rolled his optics. "She likes all of us equally. That's why she put us up here. We belong to her."

"You, Skywarp, are delusional! Have you not seen the way she looks at me? The way she plays with me?"

Skywarp grumbled. He had noticed. How could he not notice it! She constantly fawned over him and would take him off the shelf and carefully transform him in to his altmode and then back into robot mode and spend ages posing him just so.

"Can't you two shut up?" Thundercracker groaned. "Does it matter how much she plays with us or how often she takes us off the shelf?" Thundercracker wasn't that fussed about how often he was taken down. He was thankful to the femme for saving him. Originally he had been purchased for the oldest boy, but had been mistreated. His bullets had been lost and his tailfins torn off and thrown carelessly to the floor. The last straw came when the dog chewed one of the tailfins. Upon finding this, the femme carried on a bit, grousing about how the boys did not take care of their toys. The whole while she put him back together, found all of his bullets and then carefully placed him on the shelf. So, needless to say, he felt happy to be where he was and felt fairly loyal to the femme.

Thundercracker was roused from his revelries by the sound of the ongoing bickering from his wing mates.

"Of course it matters! It only goes to show who she likes the best," Starscream truculently wailed.

Skywarp shouted back, "You know what Starscream, I'm sick of this! Let's make a deal, ok?"

"I'm listening." His tiny optic ridges rose in interest.

"The next one she picks up off the shelf is the king of the shelf."

Thundercracker knew this was going to go very badly and shook his head. "You sure you want to make a deal like that, Skywarp?"

Starscream smirked again and spoke before Skywarp had a chance to reconsider what he was saying, "You have a deal."

The day passed and the femme had only cast glances their way. The waiting was becoming agonizing. Starscream had complained on and on about it, much to the irritation of Skywarp and Thundercracker. They had watched as the humans sat and ate their evening meal. Once the younglings and the male had left the table, the femme looked up at them and smiled.

"Are you ready to bow down to your king, Skywarp?" Starscream sneered.

"Shut the frag up! It'll be me!"

Thundercracker merely sighed.

The femme sat and looked at them for a moment more and slowly rose from the table and walked over to them. The three Seekers waited with baited breath. The femme smiled and moved a hand towards Skywarp. He couldn't believe his luck! Closer her hand came when suddenly there was a crash. The femme's hand dropped back to her side and her expression was one of puzzlement.

"No! No! No! Pick me up!!! Now!" Skywarp strained to try and see what had fallen, but no thanks to his design, he could not and the femme blocked his view of the mirror. Frustration mounted. Thundercracker simply sighed again. He had seen it all.

The femme began to move again and Skywarp started to feel excited as her hand moved close to him and then… passed him!

"WHAT?!" Skywarp shouted to himself.

"Oh dear! Now how did you manage that, Starscream?" The femme carefully picked up the fallen Starscream and the stand he had just fallen from and carried him away from the shelf to sit at the table. As she carried him off, Starscream shot his comrades a triumphant sneer.

Skywarp fumed and glared at Starscream. That slagging bastard! That scheming, two-faced, bigheaded jerk! That Starscream was… a fragging genius.

"Thundercracker, you want to know something?"

"What's that Skywarp?"

"He had planned that all day long."

Thundercracker had watched Starscream's nearly imperceptible wiggles on his stand all day and was not surprised in the least at what had just happened. He shook his head and answered back cynically.

"Really, you think so Skywarp?"

"Hey, TC."

"What?"

"We've been had. Again."

Thundercracker nodded, "Yes. Yes we have."


	2. This Town Ain't Big Enough

Author's Note: Many thanks to those who reviewed, favourited, or even just took the time to read my first crackfic in the series. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels certain their toys lead secret lives! So, on to the next batch of crack! Hope you enjoy and as always I'm happy to hear from you!

I forgot to say it in the first one, but I don't own Transformers. The only thing I own are the crazy things that go on in my head with them.

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**This Town Ain't Big Enough**

Starscream was jarred awake. Someone was moving him and it wasn't the femme. She was always most careful and gentle when she handled any of them, even more so when she handled him. Something was bumping and shuffling around on the shelf near him. His tiny optics glared down to see the oldest boy shoving something… no… _someone_ onto the shelf! Starscream was in an absolute rage over this, but had no way to show it. How dare the youngling; this was not his shelf! It belonged to he and he alone!

"Mummy, I'm putting Starscream on the shelf so my brothers can't play with him."

"Yeah, alright, fine."

Starscream was puzzled. How could the youngling put him on the shelf when he was so obviously there already? Besides, the femme never let anyone touch him; that was a privilege reserved for only her. Starscream waited until the oldest boy was gone and took a better look around. It was a jet in a rather dull shade of brown and he had a horrifically disfigured face. He had no hands, as such, but what looked like three claws surrounding a cannon. Starscream glanced over at Thundercracker and saw that their design, apart from their heads and their colours, were identical. A growl emitted from his vocal processor. There were enough jets here as it was and he could not have yet another one encroaching on his territory.

Starscream sneered at the newcomer, "And just who are you?"

The new shelf dweller looked at Starscream with contempt and sneered back, "I am Starscream."

Starscream was indignant and outraged by the claim of this impostor. He gaped at him for a moment and then snapped, "You cannot possibly be me for many reasons, one of which being the fact that you look nothing like me! You're, what's the word? Oh, yes," he smirked, "Ugly!" Starscream held his head high, looking as if he had delivered the world's worst insult.

The Other Starscream glared at his counterpart for a moment. "How dare you call me ugly! I'm am the most deadly warrior to ever grace the skies."

"No you are not. I am." Starscream crossed his arms over his chest and his smirk grew.

The Other Starscream shrugged and narrowed his optics at Starscream. If he couldn't beat him in a beauty contest, he'd challenge the other's ability. "Ah, but look at me. I have a much more modern altmode than you do. I, therefore, am superior."

Starscream tossed his head. Two could play at that game. Besides, it still didn't change the fact that The Other Starscream was still extremely repulsive. "You, however, are still ugly. Look at my face! It's the face that millions of fangirls around the world swoon over. And I like my colour scheme much more. You are positively boring in that drab khaki."

"I am supposed to be able to blend in more easily. Like a red, white and blue jet wouldn't get noticed." The Other Starscream scoffed. As for my appearance, I had no choice in the matter." The Other Starscream looked a bit sad for a moment and Starscream leered as he went in for the kill.

"Ah ha! I knew it! Even you think you're ugly! And look! You have chicken legs!" Starscream laughed cruelly at The Other Starscream. The Other Starscream took offence to this and growled. He truly did hate his appearance. He was supposed to be handsome and a shining example of how a mech should look, but no. The Other Starscream had been taken from what he should have been and then plonked into a different universe and reality and then changed to fit that new world. No matter though, he had been compensated for it greatly and his frown soon turned to a smug smile as he addressed Starscream.

"Perhaps. But I have one thing that you do not have."

Starscream raised an optic ridge. What could he possibly have? It certainly wasn't looks! He chuckled to himself.

"Is that so? What is it then?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out." It was now The Other Starscream's turn to torment Starscream. He looked around the shelf nonchalantly to see who else was here. He was pleased to see Thundercracker and Skywarp. He wasn't so pleased to see Shockwave (who wasn't really Shockwave), as they had never gotten along. He was even less pleased to see an Autobot there. The forever paranoid Red Alert was truly a laughable excuse for a bot and The Other Starscream snarled at him. Red Alert simply shuffled away and mumbled, "I knew there'd be trouble! There's always trouble!"

The Other Starscream chuckled darkly and then commented to Starscream, "I like it here. I could get used to this."

Starscream's optics grew wide; "You most certainly will not get used to it up here! This is my shelf! This is my kingdom! You are one of the rabble, one of the youngling's toys! The femme does not favour you nor does she try to protect you from them!"

The Other Starscream was pleased at the slight tone of panic from his counterpart and decided to play on it. He spoke to Starscream in a silky voice, "Ah, but you don't see everything from your shelf, do you?" His optic ridge twitched slightly. "You don't see that she always makes sure that I have my tailfins. You don't see her transform me and pose me, do you? When the younglings are not here I spend a fair amount of time with her." True, this last statement was somewhat a lie, but it didn't hurt to prick at the ego of Starscream a bit. The Other Starscream smiled and thought to himself, "Plunge and twist." Oh yes, he knew what would wind him up something awful!

"You lie!" Starscream growled in a low deadly voice and shook from the anger he felt. "The femme is mine! I am the only one she treats that way!"

"Really? No, actually you aren't. I've seen her play with Megatron as well!" The Other Starscream felt thrilled by the shocked look on Starscream's face. "You think you have it all, don't you 'Screamer?" The Other Starscream was about to land the fatal blow. "Would you still care to know what I have that you do not?"

Starscream growled, "Tell me now!"

The Other Starscream had a sly smirk on his face. Well, as much of a smirk as he could manage, at least. "I have managed to gain control of the Decepticons in my reality."

Starscream was shaken by this, but tried to play it down, "So what? I managed to do that several times." He shrugged.

The Other Starscream nodded, "Oh, yes, but only for a few minutes at most. I have been leading the Decepticons for ages now. Let's see, what happened to you again? Oh yes, I remember. You were killed at your coronation by a rampaging Galvatron!" He cackled triumphantly over the misfortune of Starscream.

"Shut up! Just shut up! And he didn't kill me! My spark survived and I went on to continually plague Galvatron!" Starscream did not like this at all now. He wanted to jump off his stand and then go and push The Other Starscream off the edge of the shelf. Starscream was desperate for the femme to come and remove this would be usurper from his kingdom, but from what he could see, she had no plans to come near the shelf anytime soon. Until then, he would have to put up with him. His intakes took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself and get his shaking under control. Eventually he managed to give The Other Starscream a wan smile.

"And what reality do you hail from?"

"I'm from the 2007 movie."

Starscream nodded, "I see. Is there anything else that I should know about your reality?"

The Other Starscream stroked his chin with one of his clawed fingers, pretending to think, although knowing full well what he was going to tell Starscream.

"No, nothing really. Oh, yes, I nearly forgot, a teenage boy kills the "Mighty" Megatron. So, technically, that means I am still the leader of the Decepticons."

Starscream's mouth open and shut a few times. His processor fought to understand what he was being told, but that was only second to the feeling of rage that was starting to bubble up within him again. Starscream begin to spout a torrent of curses and screeches at The Other Starscream.

"What?! My mother was a saint!" The Other Starscream started to make his way over to Starscream and he shut his mouth quickly. This was bad. Very bad. Here he was stuck on a stand and unable to escape from the angry and rapidly approaching Other Starscream.

"No! You misunderstood me! My Cybertronian is very rusty!"

"Not as rusty as it will be when I rip out your vocal processor and leave it out in the rain!" The Other Starscream raised a clawed hand and lunged for Starscream. He shut his optics and prepared for the worst, but the worst did not come. He cautiously opened one optic and then the other and his smirk soon settled back into place.

The femme had The Other Starscream in her hand. She had saved him. How he loved her!

"Come on then, you don't belong up here. I would put you up there, but you aren't mine." The femme sighed and she checked The Other Starscream over for signs of damage.

Starscream glared at The Other Starscream and rearranged his fingers so he would give his enemy an ancient Earth hand gesture. The Other Starscream's face twisted into an even more ugly mask of rage and hatred, but this only made Starscream laugh even more.

The femme shrugged and walked off with The Other Starscream. Starscream watched her from his "throne" as it were in absolute delight. He knew that she would soon deposit him back into the bottomless pit of the youngling's toy box where he would languish alongside the rest of the rabble. Starscream looked smug as he watched the femme. Indeed, she was a good one to have about. If he ever conquered this planet he would be most agreeable to let her live. It would only be fair considering how well she had served him.

Starscream's dreams of world domination were brought to an abrupt halt, however.

"What? What is she doing now?" Starscream peered across the room to watch the femme as she settled herself onto a sofa.

"No… No! You can't! You're mine!"

Starscream's mouth dropped open in disgust. There she was, right in front of him, playing with The Other Starscream with almost as much care as when she held him. How could she? The femme had betrayed him! He harrumphed to himself in disgust. Fine, if she thought that she would live on the day of reckoning, she was wrong! Dead wrong! When his time came, she would be the first to go!

The Other Starscream looked over at his archrival with a look of self-satisfaction. He couldn't help it, but the look of self-satisfaction would give way to a look of sheer ecstasy and he was sure that he heard Starscream growl when it did. It was nice to be played with ever so gently. The younglings were rough and never took care when they transformed him, often jerking at his wings and forcing joints into place. The Other Starscream softly laughed. No wonder Starscream wanted her to himself. The Other Starscream was in a state of pure bliss until the sound of one of the younglings snapped him to attention.

"Mummy! That's my Starscream!"

"Would you like to have him back?"

Oh no. Surely she wouldn't just hand him over? Surely she had proved that she cared for him just as much as the Starscream on the shelf!

"Yes, please!"

"Here you go sweetheart."

Starscream settled back on his perch as he watched the scene unfold. His smirk once again returned as he watched the youngling carry The Other Starscream off, tearing off a tailfin on his way and casually dropping it on the floor, not bothering to pick it up. Oh, how rich! Starscream laughed heartily to himself at the misfortune of The Other and then looked over at the femme. She was once again looking adoringly up at the shelf kingdom and smiled at him.

Starscream was pleased with this and smiled as well. He whispered to himself, "You're still mine, femme."

As his nerves settled and balance was restored around him he thought to himself, "Yes, perhaps I will let you live after all."


	3. ArceeBee

**ArceeBee**

Starscream had been watching out from his shelf for a while now and nothing of great interest had happened as of late. The younglings had raced around and fought, which was normal. There had been plenty of shouting from the femme because of the behaviour of her over exuberant offspring. Mostly, though, Starscream saw and heard nothing that truly caught his optic and decided to go into recharge.

Just as he started to drift off into the inky blackness of recharge, he was woken by the sound of heavy footsteps approaching. It was the femme. Starscream couldn't help but feel a bit excited by the prospect of being taken down from the shelf and being played with, but he was soon disappointed. The femme grumbled something unintelligible and placed a new figure on the shelf. There was a skittering, clattering noise somewhere near the stand he was perched on, but he was unable to look down far enough to see what it was. Starscream's optics locked onto the new figure and his smirk grew. By this point the others were talking in excited whispers.

Skywarp was the first to break the relative silence.

"Hey there sweet thing. What's a 'bot like you doing on a shelf like this?"

"Don't speak to her that way!" Red Alert snapped. He was so thrilled for another Autobot to be on the shelf and didn't want their first impression of the shelf to be a bad one. "Hello Arcee. It is such a relief to see a friendly face. How are you doing?"

Arcee did not answer. Red was puzzled by this as Arcee tended to be a very friendly Autobot. The others, however, were unfazed by the lack of response and Skywarp and Thundercracker started to make catcalls and wolf whistles at her. Still, there was no rebuttal from the Autobot femme for the stream of obscenities that poured forth from the two Seekers. Starscream's interest was piqued. Why did Arcee not protest or try to retaliate in any way? He shrugged imperceptibly in puzzlement but also found that her silence amused him.

Starscream cast an appreciative optic over the femme's figure and hummed to himself in approval over what he saw. She had been re-styled for the 2007 movie, and it had not done her any harm as her new alt mode of a motorcycle suited her. Her figure was curvy and his optics followed the outline of her hips and thighs, imagining running a hand over them. Yes, it had been far too long since they had had any company in the form of a femme. After considering things for a moment, he decided that he wanted in on the fun as well.

"Well, Arcee. I'm so glad that the human femme decided to let you come up here and keep me company. It does become ever so tiresome being trapped here without any company from the fairer sex. Turn around and let me have a better look at you."

Starscream put on his best, and what he considered to be, his most charming smirk as he waited for her to turn around. Surely the femme could not resist him. He was, after all, Starscream, King of the Shelf!

Arcee's shoulders twitched and rose up at the sound of Starscream's words. They grated on her processor horribly. Her hands went to hips then she whirled around, blue optics bored into Starscream. Starscream's own optics widened and his smirk faded rapidly as he did a double take, coughed and spluttered.

"What the frag happened to you!"

He had expected to see the delicate features of this fine femme, but had received a nasty surprise. Oh, it was Arcee's body all right, but she no longer had her delicate features. They had been stolen and replaced with a poor facsimile.

"What are you staring at Starscream?" Came the short, hate filled reply in a mech's voice.

Starscream could only continue to gape and finally managed to croak, "Bumblebee? What the frag?"

"The younglings! They did this to me! To us!"

Starscream chuckled, "Ah, yes, you are not as fortunate as my compatriots or I to live on the shelf. The human femme leaves you at their mercy. What a shame. I was looking forward to having a bit of fun."

A voice drifted up to Starscream from below him, "Like you had a chance, Starscream!"

"What? Arcee? What are you doing down there?"

"Well, the human found my head and brought it over here so she could put it back with my body. Unfortunately she has failed to do so."

Red Alert started to panic and wobbled back and forth on his feet, "It's a Decepticon plot, isn't it Starscream? It is your plan to take over everything by causing confusion. I'm sure of it! I knew there would be trouble! There's always trouble!"

Thundercracker sighed at Red's tirade, "Red, if that were the case, you would have been the first one to have a head swap! I'm sure you're processor is melted and Primus knows you could use a new one."

"I am not paranoid. It is not paranoia when they really are out to get you!"

Thundercracker shook his head, "Red, there's no one after you, honestly. If they were, you would have been long gone by now. Ok?"

Red considered Thundercracker's words and wobbled again. "Perhaps you are right, but I still do not trust you completely."

"No Red, of course not." Thundercracker rolled his tiny optics. He grew tired of Red's paranoid antics at times, but overall he was a good 'bot and had learned to tolerate Red's fits.

Starscream, on the other hand, had not learned such tolerance for Red Alert's paranoid delusions and snapped at he and Thundercracker, "Be quiet you two! I'm talking to… ArceeBee."

"Hey! Don't call me that! I'm Bumblebee!"

Arcee's head replied, "No you aren't, or yes, in a way, but it's my body… Oh!" Arcee growled in frustration, "Never mind!"

Starscream chuckled. Oh, this was very rich indeed.

"So, Bumblebee, what's it like to be in a femme's body?"

"I'm not 'in' it as much as I am 'on' it, but it's… weird. I like my own much better."

Starscream was starting to form a plan in his mind. If nothing else, it would provide him with a small amount of amusement.

"Really? I would have thought that it was rather fascinating."

"Why's that?"

"Well, as I already pointed out, you get to know what it's like to be in someone else's body. Yes, I know that's stating the obvious, but think of the other possibilities."

Bumblebee was still wary of what Starscream was telling him, but prompted him further, "Such as?"

"You could experience someone else's transformation sequence and alt mode, to name two."

"Hey! Yeah! That might be good."

Arcee's head had been listening to this and was dreading where it might be going. Starscream had heard the curiosity in Bumblebee's voice and smirked as he continued on.

"It must be a truly unique experience and if I were you I would take full advantage of it."

"Starscream…" Arcee said threateningly, even though she would be unable to back up her implied threat.

"Yes, my dear?"

"I am not your dear."

"Of course not. You never have been able to find a proper mech and for some Primus forsaken reason choose the Autobot weaklings."

"I'll kick your sorry aft once I get my body back. Bee! Do it! Teach this smug retrorat a lesson! Bee! What the frag are you doing!?" Arcee's optics widened in horror, as she watched him, uh, no, herself, no, herself under the control of Bumblebee, running over her chassis with abandon.

Bumblebee's optics snapped down and looked at Arcee's head with guilt. Arcee's hands dropped from her chest like two stones, "Uh, sorry Arcee."

"I cannot believe this! We've been in the presence of this twisted glitch for less than ten minutes and he's managed to corrupt your processor? Oh, what I will not do to you when I get my own body back! You will regret the day you rolled off the assembly line!"

Starscream snickered, "I did not corrupt his processor. He came up with that all on his own!"

Arcee would have glared up at Starscream but she could not. Instead she hoped that the rage she was feeling would burn through Bumblebee and then be reflected back at Starscream as well.

Starscream chuckled darkly at ArceeBee. "So what _does_ it feel like Bumblebee?"

Arcee could not believe what she was hearing. As if Bumblebee taking advantage of the situation was not bad enough, that glitch Starscream actually wanted to know what it was like! She growled at him, "Shut up Starscream, because you'll be the next one I frag once I'm finished with him!"

Starscream laughed raucously. He had known this was going to be good fun, but had been surprised at exactly how much fun it had been. Sadly, though, Starscream's fun was about to come to an end. The human femme was approaching, still with a deep scowl on her face and she was still grumbling. In one hand she had Bumblebee's body.

"Stupid kids! When will they learn to take care of their things!"

While she continued to grouse and complain she popped Bumblebee's head off Arcee's body and put everything right. She smiled at them, "There you go, much better now." The femme carried them off and plopped them back in the toy box for the younglings.

Red Alert shuffled around to face Starscream, "That was disgusting."

Starscream laughed and looked down at Red, "Indeed, it was, but it was still amusing all the same."

Red scowled, "You have a sick sense of what is amusing Starscream."

Starscream smirked, "Why thank you, Red Alert."

After a few minutes, everything died back down and all the residents of the shelf went about their usual business of standing there and minding their own business. Starscream once again decided that some recharge might not go amiss when a sound caught his attention. Straining, he could faintly make out the sound of fighting coming from the toy box. He chuckled to himself and smirked and thought, "Yes, life on the shelf was good. Very, very, good."

* * *

Author's Note: This is based on something that did happen to me. I was cleaning up my kids things and picked up Arcee only to find Bumblebee's head staring back at me. In all truth, I laughed about it as it was pretty funny looking. Hope you enjoyed the latest installment and as always, I love reviews!

Transformers belong to Hasbro.


End file.
